just.keep♥breathing

I'll miss your perfect charming selfishness; I can't say goodbye, say goodbye
............................................................................................................................................
hate myself  //      can't hold it  //  your voice // say goodbye //   door slams  // reach out //   refresh

tomorrow never knows it's happy line;

quote from It's Happy Line - YUI
kinda obvious, no?

mann.
no words can describe how shitted i feel lah.
since ystrd aftnn i really cant help but look kinda emo.
yes yes, call me emo kia for all you want.
but really, i feel damn shitted.
mannnnnnnnnn D:
it's gonna be a emo post, so if you're waiting for happy stuff, forget it.

okay here's the thing.
-on the verge of crying-
although you may not see this, but
4 words to somebody:

IM REALLY SORRY, KOR D:

dang lah.
how could i have thought that you would mean today and not last friday???
my mum hates last-minute go-outs and when i told her ystrd, she said no.
mannnnnnnnnnnnn.
im not gonna blame my mum, im blaming myself.
i could have asked you the first time you told me about it what date specifically.
i could have listened attentively instead of rushing to talk to other people.
i could have set it on a higher priority.
so many things i could have done, yet i didnt do.
man, talk about blurness D:
no, actually more of dumbness DDDDx
im damn freaking stupid lah wtf.
sorry kor, i really am.
im such a unfufiling meimei Dx
sorryyy >.<
yeah, you may be thinking 'what did she do?'
well i'll llist them out:
1. postpone kor's bday outing for 1.5 months
2. doesnt spend a lot of time with kor.
3. not turning up for outings.
4. one more thing i cant disclose, but the worst of all 4 reasons.
mindset changed?
and no, dont try to dissuade me.
nothing can describe my shitted feelings D:
i dont even know how to face kor on sunday.
i feel so apologetic that i totally dunno how to react to this.
ystrd night i was planning to call to tell him that i couldnt make it.
and yet, i didnt.
and what's worse, he called instead.
he sounded so happy even though he was having a sore throat;
telling me all the details about tomorrow, who's going, etc.
and then i reluctantly told him i couldnt make it.
and there was this long pause on his side.
MANN bet he was really disappointed in me D':
when he finally said something, he told me it was okay, that he didnt mind.
but i knew it was FAR from that.
i could hear the drop in his tone.
and despite me repeating on how sorry i was, it didnt help.
i thought so.
i could have avoided this mess!!!
omfg i totally hate this stupid mess i've caused.
his father called him, so he told me he had to go.
and i said okay, bye...
i wanted to say sorry, but he was gone already.
i wana let you know that you and jie are really my only sworn siblings, and really.
Nothing, yes, NOTHING can change that.

FREAKING SHIT.
trying not to swear really.
if i only coulld turn back time, i would change it all.
-sigh-
idk how to face you, kor, on sunday.
i really dont D:
but i wish you the best for KOI, as well to all the other people going.
oh and jie wishes you well too (:
although you may not see this horrible post posted by a horrible person, still.
please please dont injure yourself although sometimes it's inevitable.
i know jie hopes so too.
if you get injured, you'll be adding on to my guilt D:
dont let this affect you mentally okay kor?
really, SORRY.

-phew-
okay i got i out.
couldnt let it out to anyone else cos didnt talk to GA last night.
mannn, at least mel will be back tomorrow.
hopes she helps to lift my spirits with her funny antics.
thanks much jie for the advice too (:

2:02 PM  //  Out of the darkness and into the sun


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